Where did Caitlin disappear to?

What happened to my daughter??
Newborn Caitlin1

She used to be so sweet.
Silly Caitlin1
She used to be so loving.
Smiling Caitlin1

And then she turned one.
Silly Caitlin2Birthday2Birthday1
And suddenly, she changed.

I don’t know if maybe it was because she just grew up or if it was the transition to me quitting my job to stay home with her, but something changed. It started out small…no more kisses when people asked, except for my dad. No one got a kiss until Paka got his, and then you might get lucky enough for a quick one, or permission to kiss her. And then, a week later, bedtime became difficult. She wouldn’t let Chris sing her into calmness anymore, she wouldn’t put herself to sleep by cuddling with her monkey and rubbing her blanket. The only way we could get her to sleep is if I would lay down with her and nurse her until she fell asleep. It usually only took about 30 minutes, but I would be so exhausted from fighting her to sleep I would end up falling asleep as well. Chris and I fought a lot from sleep deprivation. But eventually, we figured out a system that got her to sleep. Unfortunately, it doesn’t involve him at all, so when I need to pee suddenly while putting her to bed, I either have to hold it or she ends up screaming. And I’m not one to just let her cry, I can’t stand it, it hurts my heart, so holding it in it is.

I concentrated so much on different methods to get her to sleep I totally didn’t notice the other big change happening. Separation anxiety. But not the convenient kind where when I leave her with my parents or when she goes on her daddy-daughter dates with Chris, she’s fine in those situations. The separation anxiety in which, if she knows I’m home and I leave her alone with Chris so I can shower/use the bathroom/nap, she fa-reaks. Like, full on sitting in the hallway outside the closed bedroom door, banging on it and screaming. Nothing calms her down. And if I try to sneak away, she eventually notices, and then comes chasing me down. It stinks.

Lately another change has been happening, she’s been throwing temper tantrums. No, seriously, temper tantrums. If she gets told no for doing something she shouldn’t be doing, like picking up a can off the coffee table or digging in the trash, she lays down on the floor and kicks and screams. Or she does my personal favorite, she proceeds to headbutt. She will either headbutt the person holding her, the closest body part of the closest person to her, or whichever object is nearby. The coffee table, the floor, the wall, the couch. She throws full on temper tantrums until she gets her way, which with me is relatively quickly (I know, that’s bad but I’m still new at this!) but Chris has stopped feeling sympathetic. She is told no and he means no. I just hate my baby girl being mad at me, but he takes it like a champ.

Hopefully soon I’ll get that unsympathetic bone and when she starts to throw a tantrum I’ll be able to ignore it as well as him. He really is a great father. But until then, I just wonder what happened to my quiet, funny, sweet baby girl.


6 Responses

  1. Oh, your baby is officially not a baby anymore! Tantrums are the pits, aren’t they? My mother told me I only ever threw one, and she laughed and walked away, and that was that. I’m calling BS on that one. My kids’ tantrums cannot be solved that way. Each one is like a snowflake and seems to call for a unique response. Ugh. And they’re three and a half!

    I hope you find a way through the separation anxiety and tantrums. Neither is any fun, but both are completely normal.

    Dropping by from SITS!

    • Thanks for coming by!!
      Ugh, I’m really hoping it’s a phase that passes soon, but I know it won’t. She was a golden baby for the first year of her life, so I guess she’s catching up for lost time now.

  2. My mom says that the terrible twos start the day after their first birthday and end the day before their eighteenth. So, chalk it up to that.

  3. aww, she’s growing up, that’s all. i’m at that phase with my son, and trust me, you’ll soon learn to tune it out. you’ll go crazy if you dont.

    dont worry, she wont stay mad at you for saying no to her. she will be mad, but she’ll get over it and learn in the process. hang in there, things are about to get more challenging :)

    happy SITS saturday :)

    • Thanks for visiting!!
      I’m trying to get used to the fits and the guilt, and it’s getting a little easier. I’ve only been staying at home for two months now and I have some roll over guilt from when I worked. Hahaha.

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