Pregnancy blows

I’m feeling pretty miserable today. In between charley horses, Braxton-Hicks, and Kinley kicking, it was always about 1000000 degrees in the room and Chris was snoring. Honestly, I woke up at 2 because I was being pushed off the bed and it was hot, but I don’t really remember actually waking up so much as I remember just opening my eyes. I’m not sure I slept from Midnight till two, and that feeling sucks. Especially when you’re waking up every two hours after.

I’m definitely at the point in this pregnancy where the temptation to doing jumping jacks to shake him loose is pretty great, but as soon as he starts to make any attempt to move down, (sans help, because I’m not even allowed to do laser tag until he comes :() I freak out and start trying to move him back up by pushing on my belly. I’m ready for the last two months to just move along, but I’m freaking out he’s going to come soon and I’m not prepared for him. Plus, he would be itty-bitty and probably have to stay in the hospital for a little bit.

Pregnancy is not my friend. It’s not that I hate being pregnant, I actually really love it. I’m a super cute pregnant chick, I’ll admit it. But pregnancy doesn’t work well for me. It’s like pregnancy hates my body and wants to destroy it from the inside out. I get very little relief because my body has difficulty carrying around the baby. That’s essentially the reason I’m high risk, my baby’s are all like “Hey mom, it’s getting kind of squishy, we have only 8 weeks left in here, can we come a little early?” and then I’m all, “OMG NOOOOO!” It sucks.

I don’t feel like pregnancy is a “beautiful” or “magical” thing. It’s actually really disgusting and gross to me. Especially, the first and third trimester, and let’s not forget birth. Yes, it’s wonderful once the baby is here and you’re cleaned up, but during that time? Not fun. Not magical. Not beautiful. Not for me at least. My pregnancies have, so far, gone a little something like this:
First Trimester: I get an infection that tells me that once again my birth control has failed and I’m pregnant. Dr. Anthony Anderson told Chris he had super sperm at my first appointment this time around. I turn into a bloating, hormonal, hungry, exhausted, sweaty, constipated, excited/depressed mess. I lose a shit ton of weight right away, which is everyone else’s first indication I’m pregnant. I didn’t throw up much with Cait, but this go around I did, but with both nausea and cravings are in full force. And did I mention I sweat? I sweat. I want to turn into a pig and roll around in mud.
Second Trimester: Nausea subsides but cravings are intense as ever. I’m still sweaty, bloating, hormonal and all that fun stuff. I eagerly await my tummy to start, but it doesn’t, and I just end up looking like I gained 15 pounds. It really sucks. No cute maternity clothes for me, no matter how hard I try. I get really excited about the baby kicking and force Chris to feel every time.
Third Trimester: I’m really past the whole kicking thing at this point. I’m tired of the kicking. I want it to stop. It’d be a lot more cute and amazing if it’s wasn’t inside my body at this point. There is disgustingness falling out of me every where I turn. I get sinus infections, ear infections, whatever. I’m still sweaty (especially now), hormonal, and fa-reaking out. I begin to nest (which is where I am now) and I start to panic because, oh well, let’s see, MY BABY IS TRYING TO FALL OUT. Seriously, last night I insisted on packing my hospital bag and I’m freaking out right now because I don’t have pants to come home in packed yet. I spent 30 minutes packing up everything and trying to think of what else I needed. Once I was on the couch Chris told me to wait but I had itchy fingers. I managed to put it out of my mind for the time being, but then I stared at our dinner plates for the longest time debating on cleaning the kitchen. And I should mention, my husband is so amazing because he’s all “I just want you to be comfortable at the hospital.”
Anyway, now I’m in pain when I walk and it feels like he is taking a nail and digging it into my bladder so I’m constantly needing to pee. It blows. My body starts to basically shut down during the third trimester. I can barely eat or sleep although I really, really want to so that just makes me cranky and cry a lot until it’s time to go to the hospital. There are times where I don’t even like to be touched during this period because it just hurts.

All-in-all, pregnancy really sucks to me. I’m willing to do it again, but I just wish it was not so crappy. I get so irritated when people are talking about how beautiful and wonderful pregnancy is. I know I look cute during pregnancy, but I hardly feel beautiful or wonderful or magical. I just really want it to end…

Tomorrow is my check up so we’ll see how that goes and if I’m dilated any because I can’t find my cervix. But I guarantee I’m effaced some, can’t imagine how I can’t be. Hopefully not tho, because I still have to get Caitie’s toddler bed set up and get a dresser for them. I’m seriously freaking out that I’m not going to get everything done before he shows up….I still need more diapers and some more clothes. I have obtained some more, and his coming home outfit, but I’m still lacking.

But you know what makes it all worth it? I’m watching Caitlin stand up and dance while watching “Jack’s Big Music Show.” I will go through all this crap every single time just to watch my babies dance.

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4 Responses

  1. GIRL, I feel you! I wish I could unbutton my belly and take it off for a while. So over being pregnant.

  2. I don’t envy you! Well, maybe I envy the child within you, but not the pregnancy!

  3. Ok, when your not pregnant it’s alright when people talk about how wonderful pregnancy is and how fabulous theirs was. On the other hand when you feel like a kayak trying to expel a cruise ship, you neither feel pretty nor magical. It always made me want to knock some of their teeth out, you know what I mean? You poor thing. I’m so glad I don’t ever have to do it again!

    DO NOT I repeat DO NOT do jumping jacks until 37 weeks. You don’t want that baby coming out undercooked. Trust me. It’s not fun having a baby in the NICU. Keep him in there as long as you can.

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