Troubled seas

I am…

Alone on a ship, in the middle of the sea during a winter storm. The waves are crashing down on the deck, where I lay, cold and frightened, shivering and crying. The ship is taking on freezing water below me, sinking me slowly down towards the depth of the ocean. The waves are high above me, threatening to take a hold of me and drag me off with them. I know if I fall into the icy water I am done for. I’m struggling to hold on as the wind blows fierce and hard, swirling around me, and if I let go I will surely drown.

I send up unanswered prayer after unanswered prayer, begging for relief, begging for safety, begging for help. Prayer after prayer falls from my lips washed away with tears of fear and sadness, floating away into the ocean. Every single one abandoned and ignored. There is no answer, no comfort from above, nothing but cold, stinging rain and harsh wind.

I stood on this ship for far too long, strong against the storm. Strong enough to fool everyone surrounding me that I am able to face this again. But now? The storm is winning. It has beaten me down beyond repair it feels like. It has taken me down. I lay on this ship, crying and broken, bruised and fragile. I am no longer strong, as much as I know I need to be.

And he is…

A lifeboat, sitting and waiting, ready to be used, ready to take me to safety. He sits silent watching me fight against the storm, waiting until he knows he is needed. And when he is? He is there, protecting me in the storm to the best of his ability, floating away from the sinking ship. He provides as much comfort and safety as he can, riding out the waves while carrying me along. He carries me through the thrashing water without questioning why, he just does. He cannot quell the storm surrounding us, surrounding me, but he uses the winds to guide us home. He uses the wind to run his fingers through my hair and whisper words of encouragement and love.

“You can do this. You need to be strong for the babies. I’m here, I’m on your side.”

He carries me along our way, promising better days one day, and some sunshine in the morning. He reminds me of the strength I once had and is patient while I find enough of it to stand again. Until then, he rocks me to sleep as the storm rages on around us, within me.


6 Responses

  1. Are you doing ok honey? I am here if you need to talk ok?

    PS. This was a beautiful post that struck a major cord with me. I’ve been there, it hurts but there’s hope ok. I’m here if you need to talk.

    Sending you big giant hugs,
    (kimber_loo (at) yahoo dot ca

  2. Awwww . . . and sighs.

    I have been there in those rough seas.

    Hang in there.

    And hang on . . . to him.

  3. I left you some bloggy love on my site…hope this cheers you up!

  4. Beautiful word picture! I know exactly what that feels like. Just went through it myself. Great blog, just found you from All work No Play Makes Mommy Go Something Something.

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