I’m starting to feel better, I’m coming out of my fog and feeling better. I know exactly what put me there, to be honest, but I’d rather not say. Maybe later on, but for today, I’d rather not break down and cry. Sorry.

Even tho I’m coming out of the “funk”, however, I’m still just so exhausted. Kinley, poor Kinley, my poor, poor little guy. He stays up most of the night, crying, fussing, spitting up and trying to get comfortable. I’ve tried everything I can think of, putting him on his side, rubbing his back, rubbing his tummy,  having him sleep on my chest. Nothing has seemed to work. It’s just fuss, fuss, fuss. I manage to sleep for maybe 30 minutes every couple of hours until he gets settled which is usually around 730 am, at which point Caitlin wakes up.

So my nights are spent tossing and turning, shushing and begging Kinley to sleep, while my days are spent exhausted on the couch, begging Caitlin not to get into anything that will harm, maim or kill her. Seriously y’all? I’m about to die on my feet. I need just a day, a whole day, no babies, no dogs covered in mud (which happens at least twice a day), no Chris making demands with his neediness. Just a whole entire day to lay in the bed and stretch out, relax, and SLEEP.

But let’s be real here folks, that’s not going to happen anytime soon, Chris is needy. However, I may be getting the opportunity to do something just as good. I may (read: looking extremely likely) have scored a ticket to Bloggy Boot Camp in Philadelphia on September 11th. I’m really excited and hoping this goes through. Chris and I have already discussed it and we would leave Friday night, he and the babies would go do whatever during the day while I was at the conference and then we would either leave Saturday night or Sunday morning, depending on if I went to the after party.

Realistically, that doesn’t really help my exhaustion at all, and probably will do the exact opposite of that. Do I look like I care?? I’d sell my first born for a pass to Blogher ’11, so forgoing some sleep for BBC. Also, we’ve decided, should I win Scary Mommy’s Soy Joy contest, we’ll discuss me going to Blissdom in January as well. Excitement!!

I’m thankful he encourages me keeping up with the things I want to do and enjoy doing. It feels nice to know he is standing behind me, especially since I decided to do something kind of big…

After thinking about this for sometime, I’ve decided that, eventually, when everything has settled back down, to go back to school to become a teacher. Originally, my idea was go to school for nursing, that way if something happened to Chris I would be able to get a job. But, I can’t handle certain things nurses have to deal with on a daily basis. Other people’s vomit or fecal matter for one. Or potentially killing someone. That is just too risky for me. My mom, a while ago, told me this is what I should do, just in case. I can still write, but I’ll also have a job and it’s a good job to have with kids. I never really gave it much thought, however, until recently. It is a good job to have with kids, and I might really enjoy it. Who knows? All my teacher tweeps seem to really love it, and if I teach something I have a passion for, well who knows. In the very end of my thought process is, it won’t hurt to go back to school and get the degree. That way, even if I don’t enjoy it, I have it there and can do that until things get better. It doesn’t hurt to just have it.

But that’s when the dust settles. There is a lot to be done before I can start this next leg of my journey, so I just have to see where this road will take me until then. Where is will take the four of us.


5 Responses

  1. Teacher is a very noble career and is a great one to have when you have your own children. good for you. On the sleep thing, I told you that’s how it would be, that is what happens when you have two babies 16 months apart. You’ll get through it, it’s not easy but before you know it both will be sleeping all night long and so will you.

  2. Oh, exciting news. You’d make a great teacher and an even better BBC Philly attendee.

    Hope you all get some rest soon.

    • Is there any possibility of you going to a conference anytime soon? I know a bunch of tweeples are planning on Blissdom in January, are you among them? I want to meet your antler clad self!!

  3. Totally excited that you’re going to a conference. I think you’ll have a blast and you can worry about the sleep part later! (Please note that this comment is coming from a person who only has one kid and a somewhat independent husband and has a lot of ambitions that are way out of proportion to reality)

    PS I am a nurse. And I despise poo and vomit. Everything else that comes with the job I heart…a lot!

    • My BF is a nurse too and she loves it…I just don’t know if I can handle it. I go weak at the sight of vomit and poo just does horrible horrible things to me. Panicky things.

      I’m super excited about the conference…I just don’t know what to wear..*sigh* I guess that means I’ll have to go shopping. Woe is me. ;)

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