My husband is creepy at night

I’m going to tell you a secret. Well, it’s not really so much a secret as it is that I just haven’t mentioned it here before. I tend to avoid these kind of matters because 1) I don’t want to be blasted for my choices as a parent and 2) I don’t want people to think I’m one of those people who get up in arms over other people’s parenting choices, because I don’t. What works for Chris and I is not the only way to do things, just the best way to do them for us. So, seriously, don’t do either of those things here or you’re going to see a whole other side of crazy coming from me.

Here goes…

Chris and I…co-sleep. You see why I gave you that warning? Because co-sleeping is one of those topics that people a) suddenly feel compelled to give you

statistics involving roll over/suffocation deaths or b) assume you’re going to judge them for not co-sleeping. Like I said, this is what works for Chris and I, not everyone.

So, yes, we co-sleep. We co-slept with Caitlin until she was 9 months, and then she slept in her own crib until she was a year, when she stopped sleeping. At that point, she did what I call “halfsies,” where she would start in her crib, and then some time in the middle of the night end up in our bed.SleepingI was often the one suffering for this, comfort-wise. (Sidenote: I can tell this picture was taken after April because I’m not topless. Shirt=not breastfeeding=after Caitlin was 13 months, so probably May. I just checked the properties and it was taken 05/04/10. Oooh I’m good.)

It wasn’t until June she was back in her crib throughout the night, and we all know Kinley arrived in July. So in the past 18 months, we’ve gone about four with our bed to ourselves. It just works for us, just like babywearing, breastfeeding, graze eating, and everything else we do. We’re lucky that all this works for us and our children.

Since we did this with Caitlin, there was no “well, are we or aren’t we?” with Kinley. It just was. We have a king size bed now too so it works even better. And guess what else? Kinley has suddenly decided that he doesn’t want to nurse throughout the night and instead sprawls out on his back soundly. In the middle of the bed, so either I am squished between Chris and him, or between him and the edge of the bed. There is no way in hell I’m disturbing a baby who is actually sleeping at night.

Last night, Chris ran me away from being next to him, to taking my chances hanging off the bed. (Can you guess how?) As I’m drifting off to sleep, cuddling with arms under my belly to keep me balanced, I feel strange and the hairs on the back of my neck start standing up on end. It’s reminiscent of the feeling I get when I look at the closet now, I open my eyes and glance at the door. Nothing is out of the ordinary, so I close my eyes and try to ignore the feeling. But I just can’t wash it away…the feeling us just creeping me out, worrying me, and it’s coming from Chris’ direction. I get scared, I can’t hear him snoring and I worry he may have stopped breathing.

I open my eyes and roll over to my side to check on him…

THE FUCKER IS HANGING OVER ME, STARING AT ME AS I’M TRYING TO SLEEP.

And then he says “Are you sleeping?”

Well, I was trying to, but it’s hard when your staring at me like some sort of stalker, dude.

I have no idea what homeboy was thinking. Did he think it would be sexy, or sweet instead of frightening and creepy? And what the fuck?? Did he think I’d be interested in anything other than sleep tonight since Kinley is sleeping, soundly, and I am NOT moving him to the swing to make room for Chris and his shenanigans. Eff. That. Noise.

Sorry honey, you and your “needs” can wait. I “needs” some sleep.

 

PS. I think I’m queen of erratic posting this week…forgives.

 

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6 Responses

  1. It’s like he’s a sex vampire, just lurking over unsuspecting new mothers…

  2. I agree that “sleep stalking” is not cool. Mine did that after I had back surgery because I was all hopped up on narcotics and he thought that my breathing patterns were weird…meaning I didn’t breath very much…so he would lay there and watch me to make sure I wasn’t dead. Kind of sweet I think…but also creepy.
    PS. I love the posts. You’re silly and I love it.

    • Once, on a Saturday, I woke up to him being two inches away from my face, brushing my hair with his hand, watching me. Very sweet but I almost peed myself because it freaked me out at first.

  3. oh honey, co-sleep away. whatever it is that means that *everyone* sleeps as much of the night as possible is the absolute BEST choice.

    & lol at your title and husband story. does he read this? will he reply? inquiring minds want to know! :)

    found you through scary mommy and am so glad that i did!

    • Exactly, if I can respond to a baby crying quicker, that’s less time people are awake!!!

      And he reads it every so often, but never comments. When I mentioned that this was the topic he adamantly stated “I wasn’t hanging over you! I couldn’t see you!” Uh-huh…creep. Thanks for visiting!

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