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I am sitting on the small green couch, cross-legged, with my fingers covering my eyes.

I take a deep breath and begin to count…

I can hear it then. Footsteps and giggles as she attempts to find a hiding space. I hear her run through the kitchen, socked feet padding against the linoleum. Stop. Clatter. Splash. And then more running. Socked feet pounding hard against carpet. Jumping. Running. Giggling.

I smile and continue to count, louder, so she can hear me…

She runs around happily, trying to escape her obvious doom of tickling once I catch her. Socked feet crawling up the stairs, attempts at opening the gate at the top, little body sliding down.


She fills my senses. I can smell her strawberry scented hair as she begins to crawl into my lap, sopping wet and giggling with anticipation and trickery at all she had created while I had my eyes closed.

She doesn’t let me get to 10. She’s too exhausted to continue to try and run away so she comes to me in surrender. She puts my arms around her and places her warm hand in mine, I can feel the fever radiating through her fingertips and smell the sickness on her breath, but her giggling still vibrates my body; she’s still happy.

I sit and melt into her for as long as she’ll allow me, take her in and fold myself over her. I take her back into me, hold on tight to her. I remember when my body was creating hers, how my own nourished hers. We were cut from the same cloth, she and I, and we still fit together as puzzle pieces. Where my body ends, she begins.

We make room for him to join us, and I take them both into me. We three, entangled together. My body created them, my blood ran through them, nourished them, gave life to them. They are a part of me, and I am a part of them, so I cuddle them into me, will them to remain small so I can continue to protect them. Beg them to fill the hallowed out parts of me.

But, they are their own people now, they are growing up quickly, learning and experimenting, pushing the limits in front of them, determining how far they can go.  All I can do is sit with my eyes covered and count. Who knows where -or who- they’ll be when I finally look?


2 Responses

  1. Absolutey beautiful. Love. LOVE this. So glad you’re back. I missed your writing!

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