This moment

I should be in bed.

It’s late, and I know Caitlin will be up in a few hours.

But I can’t fall asleep. Just the feeling in my heart tells me I can’t fall asleep. I need to live in this moment for just a few, fleeting seconds longer.

The house is silent except for the sound of the dishwasher running softly in the kitchen. Chris is asleep upstairs, as well as Caitlin. Kinley is sleeping in his chair across the room.

So silent. So calm. Everyone is so beautiful in this moment I am living in.

Stop time, stop. I can’t breath this in any more. I can’t breath in any more beauty without it crushing my heart.

I can smell the softness of Kinley’s skin from the couch 5 ft away. I can see it and feel it on my finger tips. The way his cheek feels against my chest. The way he looks up at me when he is at my breast. I can feel it in my heart. This moment is so perfect that I want to live in it forever.

My body is exhausted. My eyelids are heavy. But my heart? My heart is pounding with the beauty I am living in, right this second.

The minutes are ticking down, closer to midnight with every breath I take, but I cannot leave this moment.

I cannot. I do not. But I need to.

One more minute, one more second, one more breath. Just one more.

If only I could live like this forever. Perhaps in my dreams, but dreams are fleeting as well. Just like perfect moments.

It’s now midnight. One minute past, two minutes past. I’m holding onto this moment for dear life.

Ten minutes past.

Maybe if I fall asleep I can live in this moment forever.

I know I’m a fool. I need to say goodnight and hope that I can just feel the lingering embers of it in my heart when I wake up. Maybe tomorrow night I can live in this moment again. Maybe it will visit me in my dreams. Maybe.

Just maybe.

Twenty minutes past. It’s time to let go of this moment.

But only for tonight.

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4 Responses

  1. Beautiful. Those moments of peace? Take your breath away don’t they?

  2. My hope is that you will have more of these moments.

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