Perhaps my sense of humor is not appropriate for mommy groups.

With getting my car back, I was determined to join two things. One, a toddler tumbling class for Caitlin; two, a mommy-and-me playgroup for me.

I found a couple of mommy-and-me  groups, but they were either too expensive or not accepting new members, so I dejectedly told Chris that it looks like that hope was squashed.

Once I don’t find results, if it’s not a life or death situation, I usually retire googling for the night and mope around that I still have nothing. Chris is used to this, so he took matters into his own hands. He found two Stroller Strides type groups and one forum for local moms to chat and talk and meet for play dates and adventures to museums and story times. Best of all? It’s free.

So I signed up and eagerly awaited until the admins accepted and turned on my log in ID. I was so excited, I introduced myself, looked at the calendar at their upcoming events to see if there was anything I was interested in and commented on other topics around the forum.

Problem was, I found that I wasn’t being me. Even on this faceless forum, where I didn’t know anyone, I found myself being shy, holding back. I scoured the forum looking for something I could display my comedic abilities on and found a topic entitled “Motto.” The question, “what is you motto for life?” Ah, perfect, I knew exactly what I would put and there were only a few responses so I could be on the first page and the other moms would respond “LOL! Ur so funny! Come have coffee w/ me lolololololol!” I giggled at my own hilarity as I typed my motto for life.

B**ches be crazy.

Apparently, that’s not exactly the kind of motto they are looking for. Not one thought it was funny, or at least acknowledged it. Everything that came after me were all “GOD this” and “JESUS that.” I’m pretty sure it was a passive-aggressive way of telling me I need to go to church more often. Which is cool and all, and I would definitely agree that perhaps the way “fuck me goddammitrolls off my tongue so smoothly when I get hurt is an indication of my heathen ways, but come on! SOMEONE had to find it funny.

I’m pretty sure they wouldn’t find my jokes about running away from my children or calling them assholes very appropriate either.

Perhaps I am just not quite cut out for mommy groups…


10 Responses

  1. This cracks me up! It needed an emoticon. I swear by the abuse of them. Then everyone would say, oh she’s not gangster or scary, she had a smiley face with sunglasses. lol ;D<—–friendly, open smile with wink. Screams mommy group, don't you think?

    • Haha! You are so right! An emoticon would probably have received praise whereas my lack of it made it fall flat. I have noticed that those little smiley faces tend to fly freely over there…

  2. hahahah I would have done the exact same thing! OK, maybe “F milk. Where’s the vodka?!” Eh. Whatever. You don’t want to hang out with those Stepford Wives anyway!

  3. Mommy and Me groups are a particular brand of creepy to me. It seems like the only purpose of those groups is to one up another mother and brag about your children and compare them to others. Not my thing and I am sure that is not your thing either.

    • So far I’m not super impressed with it.

      • Lake Caroline used to have one, check out the Tale Bearer or call the office. They weren’t much different than the rest of the groups out there though, snooty and competitive, but that was years ago, I’m sure there are different people involved now.

  4. haha! I belong to a few momma groups and I can say one thing for sure, every group walks on egg shells because nobody wants to offend anyone or make themselves look like bad mothers. The first time I had a play date at my house I felt like I was getting ready for a flipping date! Thankfully she was pretty laid back :). The first few events/play dates are always rough. You have to slowly drop semi offensive jokes to see who laughs and then cling to them and whisper about the prudes.

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