Two

My daughter will be two on Monday.

Two years old.

I’m dying inside with every ticking second.

Soon, she’ll be two. And then five. Ten. Fifteen. Twenty.

She’ll be married, with children of her own, watching them grow.

I can’t take it. I look at pictures of the past two years and in nearly every one, there is her face, changing, growing older every day. Yesterday, she was a small, barely bigger than an American Girl baby doll, jaundiced thing with fine black hair. Today, she is solid and strong, with bright blue eyes and a mop of curly-ish brown hair.

She taught me how to be a mother.

She’s given me patience, and taken it away.

She’s given and received unconditional love.

She’s broken my heart.

She’s forgiven me when I felt like I couldn’t do anything right and be her mommy.

She watched me fall apart. She helped as I struggled to put the pieces of my heart, and myself, back together.

She gave me a new way to describe myself. Because of her, I became someone’s mommy. I became a person that someone depends on completely.

I just want time to freeze in this moment. I want to keep her, both of them, like this; perfect in every way.

But, instead, she’ll be two on Monday. Then five, ten, fifteen, twenty.

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3 Responses

  1. It is so hard realizing how fast they grow up isn’t it? At least you are aware of it now so that you won’t take her childhood for granted.

    I’ve been crying almost nightly for a year now (since Pat started school) because of the realization that in the blink of an eye they will all be grown. I watched that video of Charlotte on facebook yesterday and cried this morning because I realize I will never again hear the “baby” voice of my children. I wish I would have cherished those moments when Madi would keep me up until 3am talking my ear off rather than be annoyed by it. I wish I would have savored every little sound they made instead of turning the radio up louder to drown them out sometimes.

    High school is fast approaching for Madi, it is all too real and too soon at this point. My babies are growing up and yours will too, faster than you can ever imagine.

  2. I won’t lie…2 hurt. A lot. But you know what? This age I am loving the most. Truly. It’s like their little souls grow into their bodies and they truly shine. Love this age

    • I feel like every second that clicks closer to her birthday is a kick in the gut. It’s confusing because I’m excited and so hurt at the same time. Like, why would she want to grow up, away from me?

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