Raw

I had to take a couple of days off here.

In-between recovering from Caitlin turning two, everyone being sick and Kinley saying abso-fucking-lutely not to sleeping on his own, I’m emotionally spent.

And I keep falling down a rabbit hole of emotions, tripping on my own feet with feeling overwhelmed and under-helped.

Plus, yesterday before their doctor’s appointments, Caitlin went all Hannibal Lector on Kinley’s back, leaving angry, red oval marks.

Today, I call the county to have her evaluated for speech therapy at the (sort of) suggestion of her doctor. I’m unprepared on how to handle any such thing, but I figure I have a few days before the actual evaluation to set myself up.

Who knows? Maybe she’s just satisfied communicating the way she is, but I want to her hear talk. I want more than the ten words. But then, there is that “maybe” that it’s even more than I’m  expecting. I have to cross these bridges when we come to them.

I feel like an open wound, walking around, raw and prone to infection. Every slight brush sending shivers on pain through my spine. Everything on the inside of me visible to the people around me. I feel like I need a few hours to just sprawl out on my bed, legs and arms extended. I need an hour to just be angry or sad. I need a body wash strong enough to scrub it away in the shower.

I’m just too tired to continue sometimes. Too tired to do the same thing everyday. Too used to feeling this way.

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2 Responses

  1. Have you checked out Your Child Talking? It might be a good resource for you no matter how the eval goes. Fingers crossed it goes well.

    http://www.yourchildtalking.com/

  2. speech therapy is very hard to do I can teach you if you have a few minutes
    Mary Alice Hill

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